Relationship with Christ: Before...
Here's what I used to think a relationship with Christ meant (it hurts me to even read it).
This is what I remember as best as I can recall and piece together, when someone said "an intimate relationship with Christ" or "a personal relationship with Jesus." [These are what the norm was, not that there were not genuine times where He manifested Himself.]
It meant making sure you talked to God regularly. But this quickly turned into scheduled times. And it was understood that THE MOST SPIRITUAL times were in the mornings, first thing in the morning, and even better very early in the morning.
A relationship with Christ meant that under any circumstance you should stand up for Him when He was derided or when I perceived that that was so. It also meant that if I did not do so, I'd feel guilty, unworthy, and condemned. I spent a great deal of time failing Him in my relationship.
A relationship with Christ was modelling and emulating Him.
A relationship with Christ was suppressing the carnal as best I possibly could.
A relationship with Christ was external, distant, and bye and bye. All was done FOR Him. He was this voyeur, this prison guard, this hovering unseen accountant of wrongs and rights. Though He could see and knew all, He wasn't present present, not here and now, not really really so.
The relationship was actually a relationship with several different concepts honestly. There was an almost ritualistic relationship with the historical mental concept of Jesus. The one who I was suppose to love, but I honestly found staid and boring. Then there was the present one who I gave lip-service to being in me, but thought of that to be more metaphoric expression, for it had not one iota of reality to me (much of the time, or so it seemed). The present Jesus was in heaven, high up and far away. But He was here in the sense that He had some supernatural telescope to watch my behavior. I knew He could peer into my heart, but I was WAY more concerned with what I did and did not do -- but that wasn't too much of a concern, I was naturally a pretty good kid and a pretty good guy (or so I thought, and projected as much). Then there was Jesus of the future. He was coming back soon and I hoped not so soon. There were a great deal of things I wanted to accomplish before I began the eternal duty of serving Him. Heaven seemed pretty boring but I'd take eternal boredom over everlasting pain -- which I frankly didn't worry too much about because I was saved anyway. There were the periods of conviction and/or condemnation where I had a sinking suspicion that by my moral and productive failures I had in fact stumbled upon a way to lose my salvation, but those periods were few, though severe.
It was hard to have an intimate relationship to Jesus because He wasn't so much a person as He was a concept. He wasn't so much a reality as He was a label, a categorizing pin, for doing the right things, believing the right things, assenting to the right things, joining the right thing, exhibiting the right things, arguing for the right things, studying the right things, thinking about the right things, etc & etc... Even when I did things FOR Him. It was really more for some conceptualization that I thought was true and good and right. I mean, every "good Christian" did all things FOR Him. But what it really meant, deep deep down was that we were, or at least I in particular and honestly, was doing stuff in an effort to appease or manipulate God. So there was the relationship. I was "loving", polite, etc...PRIMARILY, not 100%, but primarily because I wanted God to notice, because He was watching, and give me what I wanted or not give me any unwanted pain or discomfort.
My relationship with Jesus was one of slavery. Not sonship. I knew not truly who I was, nor did I know deeply who He is.
This is what I remember as best as I can recall and piece together, when someone said "an intimate relationship with Christ" or "a personal relationship with Jesus." [These are what the norm was, not that there were not genuine times where He manifested Himself.]
It meant making sure you talked to God regularly. But this quickly turned into scheduled times. And it was understood that THE MOST SPIRITUAL times were in the mornings, first thing in the morning, and even better very early in the morning.
A relationship with Christ meant that under any circumstance you should stand up for Him when He was derided or when I perceived that that was so. It also meant that if I did not do so, I'd feel guilty, unworthy, and condemned. I spent a great deal of time failing Him in my relationship.
A relationship with Christ was modelling and emulating Him.
A relationship with Christ was suppressing the carnal as best I possibly could.
A relationship with Christ was external, distant, and bye and bye. All was done FOR Him. He was this voyeur, this prison guard, this hovering unseen accountant of wrongs and rights. Though He could see and knew all, He wasn't present present, not here and now, not really really so.
The relationship was actually a relationship with several different concepts honestly. There was an almost ritualistic relationship with the historical mental concept of Jesus. The one who I was suppose to love, but I honestly found staid and boring. Then there was the present one who I gave lip-service to being in me, but thought of that to be more metaphoric expression, for it had not one iota of reality to me (much of the time, or so it seemed). The present Jesus was in heaven, high up and far away. But He was here in the sense that He had some supernatural telescope to watch my behavior. I knew He could peer into my heart, but I was WAY more concerned with what I did and did not do -- but that wasn't too much of a concern, I was naturally a pretty good kid and a pretty good guy (or so I thought, and projected as much). Then there was Jesus of the future. He was coming back soon and I hoped not so soon. There were a great deal of things I wanted to accomplish before I began the eternal duty of serving Him. Heaven seemed pretty boring but I'd take eternal boredom over everlasting pain -- which I frankly didn't worry too much about because I was saved anyway. There were the periods of conviction and/or condemnation where I had a sinking suspicion that by my moral and productive failures I had in fact stumbled upon a way to lose my salvation, but those periods were few, though severe.
It was hard to have an intimate relationship to Jesus because He wasn't so much a person as He was a concept. He wasn't so much a reality as He was a label, a categorizing pin, for doing the right things, believing the right things, assenting to the right things, joining the right thing, exhibiting the right things, arguing for the right things, studying the right things, thinking about the right things, etc & etc... Even when I did things FOR Him. It was really more for some conceptualization that I thought was true and good and right. I mean, every "good Christian" did all things FOR Him. But what it really meant, deep deep down was that we were, or at least I in particular and honestly, was doing stuff in an effort to appease or manipulate God. So there was the relationship. I was "loving", polite, etc...PRIMARILY, not 100%, but primarily because I wanted God to notice, because He was watching, and give me what I wanted or not give me any unwanted pain or discomfort.
My relationship with Jesus was one of slavery. Not sonship. I knew not truly who I was, nor did I know deeply who He is.
posted by GBT at
Thursday, October 27, 2005
