Rambling Thoughts: Obstacles to Loving One Another IV

So we've seen that perhaps we see Father as untrustworthy, therefore not a provider, and not worth having a close relationship with, and not one who is worth listening to without reinterpreting.

So we are left with this identity. We are orphans. We have to do all ourselves. And there is a limited amount of time in the day to do. We need our 5 hours of sleep to just make it to the next 5 hours of restless dormancy.

We are alone and abandoned. Now, I'll take a turn, instead of going towards selfishness, I'll take the route marked insecurity.

What is insecurity? It's shame. One way to look at shame is a belief in one's worthlessness. We're orphans, so our Father, that Manipulator, doesn't value us, except perhaps what He can extract from us. But He's a Manipulator, so He values what He can extract more than us the containers themselves.

So the only option we have is our own valuation of ourselves, and others valuation of us. And how can others value us except by what they can see? And how can they see anything except by what we do? You are what you do, right?

Our value is based upon what someone else values. The Manipulator abandoned us, so all that is left is our fellow orphans. They too are left in the same predicament we are, so they too toil. And sense our value is based upon what others see, then we must toil too.

And now we move to fear. We cannot always keep up. We cannot know everything. There are so many ways in which we can fail. Ways in which we can lose value. We are sure of it, especially since it has happened so many times before.

We are orphans, the Manipulator is not there for us, so if whatever it is in the future
requires more than we have, we will definitely lose.